“We wept and drew together and reshaped our family experience in the light of her stellar absence”

Matt Hopwood – a line from his book – Mother ‘A Human Love Story’

It was these words that I read today that helped on a journey to understand my day. After experiencing a burst of overwhelm and anxiety that took over me tonight – the feeling was distorted as I’d actually had a good day – it’s nice to utter the words ‘a good day’ in the midst of a pandemic but I truly had a balanced day of working from home and home schooling while my partner is on day two of his new NHS job. There’s no doubt my days are very full but this was ‘a good day’. So, where did overwhelm and anxiety come from I couldn’t place it but what I did know is that I needed to escape from a feeling of claustrophobia! So, I immersed myself in water, sadly, not in the sea nearby or a swimming pool doing laps but a simple yet aromatic bath of oils where I intuitively took a book from my shelf and read it while floating- a book that I purchased some time ago, one which had a really strong presence on the shelf and now I know why as todays feelings came over me. It’s not one simple reason but three…

  1. I had a returning feeling about a response I have had rise up throughout my career on a number of occasions, one of going under the radar. In the moment I’m fine but later it creeps up on me hence why i wonder where the feeling came from. One of those ‘history repeating itself’ occasions.
  2. I’d received some feedback on a writing project I am doing, a task I am hugely passionate about which is combined with a charity effort. The feedback was constructive and I have more projects to continue for them but it unearthed something, number three will share more.
  3. Grief – writing the word is a relief, it comes at all angles as I dodge hearing about my partners second day at work as I couldn’t bear the health detail, my career has been a beautiful adventure it still is but I’ve had to do some healing around ‘being heard’ and the writing pinged my one and only published book right at me – Coco Braveheart, a story of Motherhood with children who are alive and children who have died. It’s also the one thing that I’ve struggled with during Covid-19 and that is hearing the loss of loved ones of many.

My journey of thoughts led me to form the title of another book I am called to write, you may add an extra word to my day a ‘BUSY good day!’ I know I’m not alone in days like these where you reach such strong action callings. In fact in the words of one dear friend ‘I have been called to do this…’ The ‘this’ in my situation I know at the very least involves writing and interviews – I’ve already got a wish list of who I’d like to talk to and write up their story so what is the subject you may ask? The subject is BREATH, now I maybe asthmatic but loss of breath, moments of gasping for it reach far beyond the diagnosis of Asthma – what took your breath away, albeit momentarily..? I sense on a daily basis the many people fighting for breath during Covid-19, the lingering coughs, not being able to lie down, needing breath support. When you’re reaching for your breath and cannot fill your lungs and your whole being, it causes you to surrender to something beyond your imagination.

Forgive my momentary depth of thought but I want to explore it – reach out to me if you want to share your story, your experience, an experience that took your breath away and what it taught you that you now carry forward in your life. Like me the journey may have brought you PEACE.